“Life and Art, once entwined, can quickly become inseparable.” This would defiantly describe my relationship with art. Art is an essential part of life; more like my whole life. I cannot even imagine myself without it. My life would be so bleak and empty.
I need the outlet it provides me for expressing myself. I don’t really have any other way. I kind of consider myself a failure at most things, but when I work on a canvas I can really be me. I can let everything I’m feeling out into the open. I get lost in my work and it’s the one thing I’m great at. I can spend hours upon hours working on a painting. I’ve spent many sleepless nights painting contently.
Even so, I have many fears about my work. It interferes with what I do. In the reading it said that artists fears about their work have more to do with themselves than it does their art. However for many artists, myself included, feel that their art is a part of them so any fears or insecurities they have about themselves may transfer over to their work.
I know my fears cross that boundary. I’m always nervous about people seeing my work. I worry it won’t be good enough, or that it’ll give away something about me I don’t want others to know, or even that I’ll mess it up. Sometimes that does get in the way of my work. I feel so worried, I will put off starting something until an emotional break drives me to the canvas.
I don’t quite understand it. Once I’m started and I get into it I absolutely love it, it’s one of the times that I’m happiest. There’s nothing else when I open myself up and let everything flow out of me to create something beautiful. But until I break down that first wall my own insecurities make it so hard to begin a new piece. I’m my own worst critic and probably the harshest on my work. I know these are just my own insecurities and fears making themselves known. I hate that they interferes with my work. I just need to work on facing my fears.
